


Maybe, Maybe, Maybe

by Guardian_Rose



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Ragnor, Sibling support, Spoilers for 2x12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 12:11:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11417709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guardian_Rose/pseuds/Guardian_Rose
Summary: For this prompt:the second one, would be about the last episode, where Magnus breaks up with Alec 'cause of what happens with Valentines body and all that and Alec is trying to win him backWill have a happy ending!!!





	1. Maybe That's Saying Something

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Prixdarkheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prixdarkheart/gifts).



> Thank you for the prompt, Prixdarkheart! <3

“What can I do to help? I could- I could make tea? Or- or I can...I can go if that’s easier for you. Whatever you want.” 

 

Magnus’ breath caught in his throat when Alec spoke up, surprise at having the silence broken by the voice that had threatened him so awfully mere hours ago. It hurt to know that the voice he treasured -had treasured, and seen as gentle and loving- was now linked to memories full of overwhelming fear and pain. It hurt even more to know that there was no way to make it easier. To make it so that Magnus could look at Alec without remembering the cold resolve in his eyes. The hatred. The disgust. He had always been so scared of that. That Alec would one day see him for what he was. Half-demon. Half evil and wrong and a killer. 

 

So he didn’t say anything at all. He forced himself to look up and meet Alec’s eyes for a brief second but he darted his gaze away just as quickly. His own pain reflected in those hazel eyes. Alec’s exhale was soft and Magnus saw him nod out of the corner of his eye.

 

“I...I’ll check in on you in the morning, is that...is that okay?” Alec was so unsure, so anxious and ashamed. It was like they were back at the start of their relationship. 

 

‘ _ There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Alec.’ _

 

There was now. Magnus shook his head and looked down at his clasped hands, running his fingers over the rings adorning his fingers.

 

“No. I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t...Alec.” Magnus let out a shuddering breath as the man next to him flinched at his name, Magnus knew that he always called him Alexander when they were alone. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

 

“Okay, I- okay. Just...just so we’re both on the same page, what’s ‘this’?” Alec’s voice trailed off into a whisper until ‘this’ was a breath of air. Magnus felt sick.

 

“Us, Alec. It’s...too much of our problems are coming directly from us. We are getting in our own way and maybe that’s saying something. Something we should listen to before it goes too far and we’re miserable.” 

 

Magnus felt more than saw Alec stand up in stuttering movements, felt the shift of the sofa as the shadowhunter’s weight left. It hurt. Everything  _ hurt _ . He could hear Alec taking in shuddering breaths, knew that if he allowed himself, Magnus would also be having the same issue. He felt like he was. Felt like there was both something in his lungs bursting to be let out but at the same time a crushing weight pressing down on his chest. Alec swallowed.

 

“Is that what you want?” His voice was steady now, determined; cold and professional. 

 

Practiced. 

 

He shouldn’t be practiced in dealing with this sort of pain, Magnus had had no choice but to learn the ideal ways to cope. He had lived for far too long to not have walls and systems. Alec had barely begun his life but yet there he was, standing in Magnus’ living room in the middle of his first breakup and he was in complete control. 

 

Magnus said nothing. He couldn't work anything past the lump in his throat, all his energy focused on not screaming, not crying, not showing any sign of the turmoil he was in. He startled when he heard the door click shut. Alec was gone and Magnus’ life was ten times darker.

 

It was a while before Magnus started to cry. Sitting on his sofa, looking around at his loft. Seeing all the things that Valentine had touched and changed and tainted. Looking down at his hands, his clothes, his knees. All tainted. The tears fell silently. And then they became sobs. And then Magnus was standing and his magic was tearing out around him, tipping over the coffee table and smashing his vases and whisking books off the shelves. And there was a roaring sound, of anger and desperation and pure agony. It took him a minute to distantly realise that he was the one making the noise. Catarina arrived an hour later to find him huddled on the floor with his arms around his knees and his gaze fixed on an orange and red charm lying amidst the remains of his loft against the opposite wall. 


	2. He Needs Someone

## 

Alec didn’t have the energy to run. He had barely had the energy to walk back to the Institute. He certainly didn’t have the energy to go on the patrol Jace and Isabelle were telling him the plan for. 

 

“So what do you think? You in?” Jace asked, his mischievous smile slipped when Alec resolutely avoided his gaze. “Alec, are you okay?” 

 

“You guys go without me, I need to call someone.” He murmured then forced a small smile when Jace raised an eyebrow at him. The blond accepted that he wasn’t going to be able to get into a proper conversation with Alec and left to find Clary instead. Izzy, however, stayed put.

 

“Why aren’t you with Magnus? He just went through hell and back yet you’re here. Has something happened?” Alec hated being pinned under his sister’s concerned yet expectant glare. 

 

“He needs space.” Alec answered vaguely.

 

“Something happened.”

 

“Later, Iz. I don’t want to talk right now.”

 

“I’ll come by when we’re back from the patrol. Don’t worry, Alec. You two will sort this out.” Izzy gave him a quick hug before heading in the direction Jace had gone. Alec took the opportunity to escape to his room and lock the door behind him.

 

He took a deep breath and calmly sat on the edge of his bed, phone in hand as he scrolled through his contacts until he found the one he wanted.

 

“Alec Lightwood? Is everything okay?” Catarina picked up on the first ring and, even though Alec had only spoken to her roughly three times and she had given him her number for emergencies only, her voice was soothing. 

 

“Yeah, it’s Alec. Um. I’m sorry to bother you but-”

 

“Is it Magnus? Has he overused his magic again?” Catarina jumped in, exasperation laced in her words but also concern. She spoke softly, like she was talking to one of her patients. No wonder she made such a good nurse. 

 

“Yes and no. He- I don’t know whether he’d want me to tell you this but I don’t know what else to do. I can’t do anything to help but I thought maybe...maybe you could.” Alec ran his free hand through his hair and took a deep breath that caught in his throat, tears were prickling his eyes. 

 

“Talk me through it, Alec. Tell me what happened, I’m on my way to his loft now.”

 

“There was a greater demon - Azazel-” Catarina sighed on the other end of the phone, “and we...we summoned him but he broke out of the- out of the containment circle and he put Magnus into Valentine’s body and vice versa.” 

 

Alec heard Catarina stop walking and inhale sharply. 

 

“Should I be taking a portal to get to him quicker?” She asked urgently. 

 

“No, he’s...he’s back in his own body now. We got that sorted.” Cat started moving again, Alec could hear the rustle of her coat. “He...he’s hurting and I couldn’t do anything because I’m the reason he’s hurting and it’s gotten so out of control and now-” Alec wiped the tears running down his cheeks away viciously. “He doesn’t want to see me anymore but he needs someone. I know he does. So I...I know Ragnor isn’t here anymore else I would have called him too but you gave me your number for emergencies and I- I think that maybe this is an emergency.” 

 

“Alec. Alec, listen to me. I’m outside his building so I’m going to hang up now  _ but _ you need to talk to someone too. I don’t know everything that’s happened but I have the gist of it. Magnus will tell me the rest. You need to talk to someone too. Thank you for calling to tell me, you are right for having done so. So thank you. Look after yourself, Alec. Magnus won’t want to find his boyfriend tomorrow in a worse state than himself.”

 

“Ex-boyfriend.” Alec whispered as he thought it, not meaning to speak it aloud at all. 

 

“What?”

 

“He doesn’t want to see me anymore, at all.” Alec said quietly, saying it out loud made it real. Made all of this real. Catarina hung up and Alec dropped his phone onto the floor, not looking to see whether it smashed or not.

 

Magnus was going to be okay. He wasn’t going to be alone. Alec wasn’t going to let this slip through his fingers. He loved Magnus and he was happy with him and Alec knew that Magnus was happy with him too. They had hit a bump in the road, it happened. It took effort to maintain a relationship and if Magnus needed space then Alec would make the effort to give him space. They had broken up. Yes. Technically but Alec would fight to earn Magnus’ trust again, to earn his love and be deserving of the love of the best person in Alec’s life. He would. 

 

That was how he was able to keep the breath flowing in and out of his lungs with only minimal pain, that was how he kept the tears from turning into screams, that was how he was still going and would keep going. Because he was going to fight for what they had and fix it as best he could. Likely with some help from Izzy and Jace once he told them. He really didn’t want to tell them. He knew how they’d react. Instantly up in arms to smooth over what they would see as an injustice to their brother by marching over to Magnus and demanding proper explanations. Alec wouldn’t allow that.

 

Eventually his thoughts settled enough for him to drop into a fitful sleep on top of the covers and still in the clothes he’d been wearing all day. He was rudely woken up by banging on his door. He grumbled and ignored it for a second to pick up his phone from the floor to check for messages from Magnus. Only to belatedly remember what had happened. He dropped the phone again and unlocked the door, swinging it open to let his siblings in.

 

“Have you done  _ anything _ since we left?” Jace asked, looking Alec up and down before taking in the dark room and the phone still turned on and lying on the floor. 

 

“I fell asleep.” Alec replied, his throat hoarse for some reason. Maybe he’d had a nightmare and had forgotten it when he woke up.

 

Izzy flicked on the lights and picked up Alec’s phone to put it on the dresser before claiming a seat on his bed. Jace leaned back against the now shut door and Alec sat on the other side of the bed. Isabelle reached over to take his hand in her’s.

 

“What happened with Magnus, Alec?”

 

Alec told them. Every part of it. They reacted just as he’d predicted and he made them swear not to approach or contact Magnus unless it was an emergency. They reluctantly agreed with that and both offered to help Alec however he decided to go about trying to earn Magnus’ trust back. He then told them his ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! I feel like Alec is a little OOC which is bugging me, so let me know! <3


	3. Possibly Ever

Catarina portaled to her apartment to pick up the bag she kept for exactly this sort of situation, she made sure that Magnus was safe and taking a shower first and was back in the disaster that was Magnus’ loft without him even realising. She dropped her stuff off in one of the guest rooms before heading to the living room, checking that she could hear the shower running on her way. It was a mess so she used her magic to sort it out quickly. The whole situation was a mess but she couldn’t use her magic for that.

 

She knew how long it had been until Magnus had been able to repress his memories and now they were itching under the surface and marring everything he thought of. The memories of the shadowhunters’ torture would likely be added to the ones he desperately tried to forget day in and day out. 

 

Catarina was immensely glad that the Lightwood boy had thought to call her. Magnus shouldn’t be going through this on his own. If she was being honest, she didn’t completely blame Alec for his part in it all. If it had been her in his situation, even with all of her years of friendship with Magnus, she would not have believed anything out of Valentine’s mouth. Not after all the lies and misdirections he had used before. She wouldn’t have even begun to listen to him. Alec had though, Magnus had told her how he had seen the doubt in Alec’s eyes. How it had been Jace, Herondales were always a pain in the ass, who had convinced Alec to not trust his instincts.

 

Magnus had explained how he had broken up with Alec and Catarina had bitten her tongue to stop herself from pointing out what a stupid thing to do that had been. Magnus was head over heels in love with that boy and there was no denying it. He was the happiest that Catarina had seen him possibly  _ ever _ when he was with the Lightwood. Yes, mistakes had been made but blame was to be put on both sides. They would work through it because if they didn’t, Magnus would be miserable. 

 

She would stay with Magnus until he was on his feet again. Until he had a clear head and was able to come to the conclusion on his own that apologies were in order. Catarina knew that Alec would take him back, he had called his ex-boyfriend’s best friend because he was worried about said ex. She had a feeling that Alec would fight to earn Magnus’ trust back, would go to edom itself to prove that he was worth a second chance and if Catarina could, she would help. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never written from Cat's POV before so let me know what you think? <3


	4. No...

Magnus wasn’t sure what to expect when he woke up to find Catarina sitting on his kitchen counter talking on the phone. He had woken up to Alec’s side of the bed cold which had been strange beyond all comprehension. Alec almost always stayed the night now, he had practically moved in. Magnus was used to waking up to loving eyes and a kiss on the forehead, to a whispered ‘beautiful’ or ‘I love you’ when Alec saw his true eyes. Every time. Magnus would glamour them for the rest of the day but when he first woke up he didn’t hide them.

 

But Alec hadn’t been there and now Catarina was sitting in his kitchen, rushing a quick goodbye on the phone and turning to face him. She looked like she had when Ragnor had died and she had moved in for a couple of days so they hadn’t been alone. Why was she here so early? 

 

“Magnus, are you okay?” She asked, in her nurse voice. Magnus frowned.

 

“Goodmorning to you too, Cat. Why are you in my kitchen?” He asked, looking around to see that the coffee machine he had bought for Alec was empty. Alec definitely hadn’t been here this morning then.

 

“What do you remember from last night?” She asked gently, he paused in confusion before it hit him. Magnus froze.

 

“No.” Magnus lifted a hand to press against his chest, he could feel his heart thumping far too fast. “Tell me I didn’t do that, tell me I didn’t say that.”

 

Catarina gracefully dropped from the counter and moved to stand in front of Magnus, she took his hands in hers and he noticed that he was shaking. He remembered. He remembered the confusion, the disbelief and leftover shadows of the agony rune. He remembered not knowing what to do, what to say or think. He hadn’t wanted to be alone but the experience was too fresh in his mind to be able to look at Alec. Alec. Who had accepted everything Magnus had said, everything he had said through a strange cloud of guilt and fear and  _ something _ that had stopped him from truly thinking things through before acting. 

 

“What do you remember?” Cat asked again, trying to meet Magnus’ darting eyes.

 

“I told him that we weren’t working. That we kept getting in our own way and maybe- and maybe we should end it. He just. Cat, he just accepted that! He left.” Catarina nodded, expression carefully sculpted.

 

“Do you remember what happened next?”

 

Magnus shook his head mutely.

 

“Alec called me, told me that you needed someone but it couldn’t be him because you didn’t want to see him at all. So I came here and found you in the middle of your living room staring at an omamori. It looked like there’d been an explosion all around you.” Catarina explained, softly pulling Magnus until he was sitting on the sofa in the living room so she could sit next to him.

 

“Do you think I was right to do it?” Magnus asked quietly.

 

“I think you were and are not in the right mind. Magnus, what you just went through- It’s traumatic in the least. I think that you need to decide what you want. Right now and for the future. I’m going to stay here until you’re back on your feet and you are going to rest.” 

 

“Should I call him?”

 

“He called me this morning, to check in on you. I told him I’d let him know if anything changed. You should be focusing on yourself and not trying to fix anyone else. Okay?”

 

“Right.” 


	5. No.

A week later and Magnus didn’t feel like he needed to burn everything in his apartment that Valentine had possibly been near. He didn’t flinch away from every touch and he was no longer avoiding running water like the plague. He was pretty much back on his feet. And he missed Alec. 

 

***

 

A week later and Alec received a text from Catarina.

 

**I’m going out for the day. I’ll be back at the loft at 5. Call if you need. - Cat**

 

Alec spent half an hour after receiving the text deciding on whether or not it was a good idea to go over. Maybe Magnus really had meant what he said, that he did want to break up and Alec’s visit would be totally unwelcome. But what if it had been said in the heat of the moment, Alec couldn’t begin to imagine the mess of emotions Magnus must have been going through. Either way, they had to talk. To figure it out. For closure or to apologise. If Magnus would let him, Alec would apologise for what he’d done for the rest of his life. He would never stop feeling sorry for Magnus, for the horrors he had had to go through.

 

So he walked, all the way until he was standing outside of Magnus’ apartment. What he had begun to call home before everything had happened. He still had his key in his jeans pocket but he figured it was best to knock; after all, he didn’t know whether he was welcome. He took a deep breath and raised his hand.

 

***

 

Magnus knew Alec was outside his door. His wards were set up to let him through and to let Magnus know when he had arrived. The shadowhunter had a habit of hesitating at his door sometimes when he was stressed and when he was unsure; normally Magnus would just go and open the door and pull his adorable shadowhunter into a fleeting kiss or a hug. But this wasn’t ‘normally’. So he waited. Waited in the hallway to see if Alec would use his key or knock. Well. He knew that Alec would knock but...part of him still wanted to see.

 

_ Knock, knock, knock. _

 

Magnus opened the door without his usual flourish and looked up into Alec’s face. Taking in the dark shadows of lost sleep under his wide eyes, he looked greyer than normal. Like he was ill. Magnus expected that he looked much the same if not worse as he stood there in the doorway, not moving or speaking. A flash of pain twitched through Alec and he dropped his gaze to his feet. Magnus curled his hand into a fist to stop himself from reaching out to rest his fingers over the deflect rune on Alec’s neck like he had so many times before.

 

“I can leave if you want but- but I thought that maybe we needed to talk.” 

 

Magnus nodded and stepped aside so Alec could step into the hallway. The door clicked shut softly. 

 

***

 

Alec shuffled his feet, guilt wrapping around his heart like thorned vines every time he glanced at Magnus who was bereft of makeup and shimmering clothes, instead he was in grey pyjama trousers and a too-big top that was a faded dark green. Alec briefly thought it was his own top but shook the thought away. Magnus was far too hurt and angry with him to wear his clothes. He looked like he hadn’t slept all week, Alec knew from Cat that Magnus had been having nightmares.

 

“I just- I only have one question and then, if you want me to, I can go. Forever if that’s what you want. But just one question.” Alec said, not looking up from the floor and keeping his hands clasped behind his back to keep from running them repeatedly through his hair. Or from reaching out to touch Magnus.

 

“Okay.” Magnus said.

 

“Did you mean it?” 

 

***

Magnus had known what the question would be. Had his answer on the tip of his tongue. Screaming it in his head. Alec had lifted his head  _ at last _ to look Magnus in the eye as he asked and Magnus knew that Alec had been practising this, knew that Alec fully expected to be rejected. It was in the tense shoulders. The grim set line of his lips. The way his body was angled in preparation to walk out of the door. 

 

“No.”

 

***

 

Alec smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3
> 
> Any and all comments welcome! Especially prompts! <3
> 
> Come and find me on twitter @EllieMiff25 <3


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